Today, at school, there was an assembly about kindness...about how one act of kindness could start a chain reaction. A message from beyond Rachel Joy Scott's grave. She was the first to die at Columbine. You'd think being kind would go without saying; the fact that it doesn't, speaks volumes.
I tried doing an extra act of kindness today. There was this lonely guy in the hallway a lunch, sitting alone, so I grabbed a friend and we went and talked to him. His name is Kevin, and he's in 11th grade. I couldn't tell if he was particularly affected by our gesture, he seemed more like the the type of person who enjoys being introspective. Still, I'm glad I gave making conversation a shot. Although, I do believe that if someone is sitting alone at Granada, its usually by choice, and if its not...there is probably a reason no one is his friend. Those types of thoughts are just too negative for me. I'd rather just go out of my way to be a little extra nice...even if it is redundant or silly.
Whenever my A.P. Government teacher stands over my shoulder, I can't think. It's very disconcerting, he probably does it on purpose because whenever he stands over me I get very awkward, my thoughts get jumbled up, I say stupid things, my foot twitches, the hair on the back of my neck stands up and I begin to feel like I'm overheating. It's not a sexual "hotness", its a nervous...wow-this-room-is-getting-kind-of-warm-isn't-it type fever. Why this happens is absolutely unknown to me. Usually, I have no sense of personal space; there must be something weird about him.
I haven't been able to stop thinking about ******* today. I have this feeling about him. My intuition indicates that he will play a defining role in my life. It's possible he's just a very influential friend. But, that defining role could very well be marriage, and when I consider that idea, my position remains ambiguous. I like not knowing, however. He's the best guy I've met, and if my future holds him, I'd be happy. I'm not even sure I could ask for a more virtuous man. Yet, I am aware of the low probability of this coming true, and it does not bother me at all. I feel strangely excited to meet the many potentials in college and beyond. Knowing what's out there will help me be happy with my decisions later, whatever they may be.
I was relieved to hear last night of some sort of girls problems in his life. I thought I would be jealous, but oddly enough, I'm not.
I have a dream last night. I was doing a kind of team assignment; a scavenger hunt, and we had to dress up like fruits for a presentation at a bank or a museum. I left my fruit costume in a locker at a building called Harvard. After a journey of many miles, across beaches and forests, I got to the museum where my team and I were meeting up, and remembered my costume; I forgot it at Harvard. I, then, had to make my way all the way back to Harvard, but I made a wrong turn and found myself in Africa. Strangely, the floor and dirt in Africa closely resembled giant relief type paintings of native tribal artwork. It recalled the dioramas in the Natural History Museum downtown, where I used to go on a regular basis as a child.
I have no clue what it means. I have a hunch the scavenger hunt symbolizes the journey of life, or the college application process, but after that I'm lost. If its the college application process, then the fruit costume might represent the guise other students present, which I have completely decided to shun; instead presenting them with a perfect, flawless candidate, I am showing off ME. With all my lovely faults. Yes, I may be flawed, but at least I'm truthful. In trying to attain the same sort of costume, or level playing field as the others, my brain seems to be indicating that I am going the wrong direction, or if not the wrong one, simply a different one. Africa is a wondrous place in my dream, not a desert-jungle disaster area. Rather than representing making a mistake by forgetting my costume, my ending up in Africa represents my journey taking me away from the rest of my group, to a place far more strange and amazing than I could have imagined.
That's just a hunch.
