Goodbye Until Tomorrow

Is it the end of something? Or the beginning? Who knows. Who cares. Today Andy and I had a talk. I was just about to leave Starbucks after waiting for an hour for him to show up when he finally came. Took him long enough. I was already a little upset that I had to walk there in the sun, but whatever I've run like 6 miles in the sun so that wasn't really a biggie. The thing is, is that when he came, finally, I was on the verge of tears. Not my heart, but my dignity is what was hurting. To be waiting somewhere without buying anything for like an hour and being stood up, and feeling like I was about to cry, with the baristas probably looking at me with pity was painful in itself. But then he came and I felt better. And we had our talk.

To put it simply, he's busy. I understand completely. I'm not mad at all. I'm not one to hold grudges. I mean, come on, guys have pulled far more painful stunts than this and I still talk to them. In the end, its not a finite end. Its just a postponement. We'll see though. Who knows who I might meet between then and now.

Its uncanny how this song fits my feelings at this moment. And its uncanny that the character's name is my name, too. Its from the musical The Last Five Years. its called Goodbye Until Tomorrow.

Don't kiss me goodbye again
Leave this night clean and quiet
You want the last word
You want me to laugh
But leave it for now

All you can say
All you can feel
Was wrapped up inside that one perfect kiss
Leave it at that:
I'll watch you turn the corner and go...

And goodbye until tomorrow
Goodbye until the next time you call
And I'll be waiting
Goodbye until tomorrow
Goodbye till I recall how to breathe
And I have been waiting
I have been waiting for you

I stand on a precipice
I struggle to keep my balance
I open myself
I open myself one stitch at a time

Finally yes!
Finally now!
Finally something takes me away
Finally free!
Finally he can cut through these strings
And open my wings!

So goodbye until tomorrow!
Goodbye until my feet touch the floor
And I will be waiting
I will be waiting!
Goodbye until tomorrow
Goodbye until the rest of my life
And I have been waiting
I have been waiting for you
Waiting for you
Waiting for you


Why is it that when faced with the prospect of an exclusive relationship, lots of options pop up to tempt you. And then when you're alone again, they disappear. Regardless, I miss him.

But do I miss him or do I miss someone. Just having someone to love. A companion. I think its him I miss. Honestly. If all I wanted was a companion, I'd be happy with Richard, and all the rest of my many friends.