Today was one of those days where I really needed to see Andrew. I needed to see that he liked me so I could reassure myself that I'm not delusional. After what happened earlier this year, I just can't trust my own judgment. When you are quite sure someone feels a certain way towards you and then they change out of nowhere in such a way that completely negates what you had thought existed. Since I haven't really seen Andrew since last Friday, or spoken to him since Saturday, I felt the need to see him today. I wanted a hug at least so I could make sure he was real. However, when I approached him, while I did get a hug, I was ignored; rather, his attention was fixed on his rubix cube and he didn't seem to have the time or interest or care enough to stop and talk to me a little bit. I understand, perhaps doing the rubix cube was something important, a nd I shouldn't have interrupted him, or perhaps I should not expect to get all the attention just because I'm there. Maybe I'm just an attention whore. Maybe I'm the one with the problem, yes? Maybe I'm just really egotistical and cannot emotionally handle being ignored.
Regardless, I didn't get that comfort I needed, and now I want to cry. He's the salve on my wound. If it weren't for Richard, I would have cried as I walked away, too. I thank God for that boy. I love him so. I feel guilty though, because when I was with Richard I was still sad, saying how much I had wanted to say hi to Andrew, he probably felt like he meant nothing to me. But he does. The thing is what I needed/need right now is a different comfort. The comfort that comes from knowing I have moved on and that because I have feelings for a different person, I know that what I felt before is now meaningless.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment