You know that whole thing I was pumped about doing before...I've gotten lazy. I really don't feel like it anymore. I've been a little bit depressed recently. Practically full on nervous breakdown last night. Cried myself to sleep. No one in particular to blame. It was all just a compilation of emotion. All my unresolved pain from injuries past rising to the surface. It all just leads to my feeling rather hopeless. An old lady at the nursing home I now volunteer at said i wasn't much of a singer. That totally hurt my feelings/ego. After that I just had no motivation to do anything at all. I didn't want to run, didn't want to swim, didn't want to ride my bike anywhere, didn't want to sing, or dance...nothing. I just wanted to cry. Another old woman mentioned how boring life gets after a while. That just added to the feelings of absolute disparity I was experiencing. After that another old woman, by the name of Doris Meyers told me about her old boyfriend, for whom she had moved to California from Missouri. As she mentioned just that, her eyes watered and she almost cried. Oh to be in love. To experience love like that in life is amazingly beautiful. As well as completely depressing. SO thats why I cried myself to sleep last night and did not work out at all.
I can't wait till next year begins so i can just kinda start things over-ish. I'm sure that things will still be semi-crappy, but I just want to get this next year over with and start anew in a place that is not high school, without the drama, without the people who listen to gossip and the people who decide they probably hate you without having a conversation with you to get to know you better; I want to be in a new place with new, more mature people, where I can be more mature and have people know me for being that way.
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