Depressing-ness

Why does the world hate me with passion? Why do people gossip? How is it that I somehow make people dislike me without even trying? I hate that the people who do care about me are leaving to college. The only people who really see me as a nice person and not someone they strongly dislike. I miss my trackies. I really do. Track and cross country were nearly drama-less. No one talked crap about anyone. We all just got along. Now, people are just plain mean. At the first sign of gossip people saying I said things, they RUN AWAY from me practically. If I'm being annoying, they should just tell me, and I'll stop. They shouldn't just block me wihtout informing me that they just don't feel like talking to me and why. I would much preffer being told what I did wrong than to be punished for my "actions".

I love track. I miss the old days. I miss the days when it was Richard and Andrea, and Kathleen, Maeve, Myonoway, and David and Jeff and Chris and all them, and Natalie and Krystal, and Marisa and Nina, Molly, Amanda, Sharon, Monica, Victoria and Audrey. I miss those rainy days on the track when we would be doing Coach Green's 1111, 1212, 1313, 1234, 1313, 1212, 1111 workout and we'd be tired out of our minds, and then maybe do an extra 45 second sprint for good measure. Those were the days. We were like a family.

In a sense I regret joining speech and drama at Granada. It opened whole new world of jealousy and gossips and crap that I didn't have to deal with before and I lost my bond with the people I care about; the bond that came from being tired as hell and trying your very best to win against yourself. On the track team, we didn't talk trash about eachother. When someone new would come along and they would start saying shit about someone else, we'd say to eachother "Oh look there's somebody who's obviously new and doesn't quite comprehend what this team is about." There was no room for gossip; only friendship. I want to cry, I miss it so much. I look back and I can only think one thing; those were some really great people, and I'm really glad to have known them.

Although I love performing, the things I hate are the narcissism, envy and cattiness of everyone who does it. If someone is better than yhou or threatening, its like people have this innate need to judge you. What you say is automatically misconstrued; taken the wrong way just because they can't accept that somebody might be a nice person; a human with feelings, who reacts to external forces and events and has a psyche just like they do.